I long for summer.

I can't wait for the days when I wake up and have no idea what's to occur. My spontaneous and creative friends are always coming up with entertaining pastimes (i.e. taking the metro downtown to the zoo) and I hope the summer I have here will be a glorious adventure. There's so much to look forward to, from the lazy days to mission trip to climbing a mountain in Colorado with some long-lost friends. And I'm completely over schoolwork. It amazes me how intense my last week of official classes has been, and I dread studying for finals. I want to walk out of Kingwood High knowing that the stress and worry is in recess for three glorious months. I can't wait for pleasure reading, lake houses, concerts, and unlikely adventures. The anticipation is torturous, and yet, summer's approach is bittersweet. I long for the goodness it brings but dread the pain of leaving Kingwood for good. I can't wait to be finished with school, but I'm not ready to be finished with KHS. I worry that my summer will be darkened by fear of the unknown, the stress of finding a new school, and more fights with my mom. This last item is an unfortunate truth: my mother and I are both so emotionally drained all of the time, and I think we turn this frustration on each other. I know how hard my parents are working right now, yet I cannot abstain from holding them in some form of resentment. I love them completely and endlessly, but on (frequent) occasion I cannot bear to even remain in my house because there are too many negative emotions. 

I planned a co-moving away party with one of my best friends. We threw it together very quickly, and it's rather likely that a much better organized one will be produced by our friends at some point. However, we are getting a small group of girls together for a tie-dying party Friday. It'll be adorable, and nice to get "the group" together before everyone becomes involved in their separate summer plans. I'm glad we're doing this early, with the knowledge that we still have a summer's amount of time left together. I don't have to say goodbye just yet!

On a VERY, very random side note, I think Christians often confuse Christianity with socialism. Christ calls us to love our neighbors and avoid greed, but I don't think he meant for this to be done with socialized health care. We can't just put a man in charge because his idealistic ideas dimly remind of of the kind of society we need to be working towards. A government can't make this other world possible, it is the individual who carries the job, and we need to preform it by loving others and showing them God's love. We can't just "spread the wealth" or put a limit on salaries. That doesn't build character, it sparks conflict and decreases workmanship. I need to follow God and want to help others because I know that is what He wants for the world.  I think the sweat and dedication spent by many Christians to put Obama in office may have been better served showing Christ's love to others. I'm not saying he isn't a good man; I couldn't possibly know that. And we do need change. But everyone has to be a part of it, we can't just wait around for new laws to be passed that challenge our ability to think for ourselves.

Oh, let's get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France

my dream home.

I came across it as I was preforming my daily ritual of online house shopping. It's full of beautiful white light and has plenty of built-in bookshelves. It's heaven. It's 1.9 million dollars....and out of the lineup!

I've been feeling very optimistic lately. Life is such a beautiful gift, and I'd hate to squander my time with worry about the unchangeable. I need to try to support my parents more during this hard time, it's unfair to blame them for this terrible move.

Worry, however, can be unavoidable. I want to put all of my trust in God, but I hate residing in the dark. I don't know if I'm ready for this challenge. And I can't believe how melodramatic I am, it repulses me!

I learned a very valuable lesson today: Sarcasm must always be checked with caution. What can be said in jest can cut someone deeply. Who knows how many people I've hurt. I'm sorry.

Four Seasons Self Storage

I hate...

 

1) Suprise stops to the storage unit

2) My terribly ugly fridge- uncovered when the real estate agents suggested the removal of pictures and magnets.

3) The fact that I may have to leave my house on a 30 minute notice any time from 9 am to 5 pm, at the leisure of realtors and potential home stealers.

4) That I have no idea what school I'll be attending next year and what classes I'll be taking. 

5) That I can't figure out how to deal with my friends. Distancing myself out of pain only leads to further hurt and confusion. Likewise, clinging on to them in desperation leads to their annoyance and my loss of confidence.

6) Knowing that I have not a single friend in California.

7) Remembering that we shipped my dad's car to California, thus leaving me and my mom to constantly fight over the suburban. As if I want to drive it.

8) EBAY

9) AIG

10) That I refuse to look for a silver lining

Psalms 63:1

O God, thou art my God, I seek thee,

my soul thirsts for thee;

my flesh faints for thee,

as in a dry and weary land where no water is.

psalms 63:1

I'm terrible at following God. It's not that I doubt him. Nor is it that I don't feel connected to him, because I do. I'm just losing trust in His judgment. I think this leads to my discouragement, and my revelation that I'm simply not living my life by His word- not in the least bit. It just occured to me the other day that I have not even read the bible. Perhaps there's a few explanations in there that will make all of this make sense.

I'm reading another incredible book. The Year of Living Biblically, by A.J. Jacobs, is about Jacobs' quest to follow the Bible as literally possible for an entire year. It's enlightening and hilarious. I never realized how many strange rules can be found in the Bible. Here's an example of Jacobs' incredibly witty writing skills:

"...consider this passage: 'you are not to boil a young goat in the milk of its mother' (Exodus 23:19, NASB). If you take this literally, as I'm trying to do, this is relatively easy. I think - with a little willpower and a safe distance from farms - I can make it for a year without boiling a baby goat in its mother's milk. My Friend John suggested that, worse comes to worse, I could boil the baby goat in its aunt's milk. Thanks, John."

Of course, one man's quest to follow all of God's laws for a year is only tripping me up in my own endeavors- I covet his writing ability. Seriously though, all these rules put me in a daze. And why is it that we as Christians pick and choose which rules to follow? I don't wake up at midnight every night to glorify God, and I'm sure I have clothes made of mixed fibers. I've always been told to follow the Ten Commandments, but it's never been required of me to tie my money to my hand.

Overall, Jacobs' book is just what I needed. This time around, as I attempt the Bible, I want to face it inquisitively and search for answers.

Dear Sister

Okay Katie, despite that one time that you handed me a piece of paint and told me it was a chewy SweeTart, I've always looked up to you as an excellent role model, sister, and friend. I could tell at the start of your freshman year at Baylor that not living in the same house was going to be a huge help for us getting along, and it has been. I feel so blessed to know you, to have always known you, and to watch your beautiful, bright future expand and grow. 

Though I can't imagine ever being in a bad mood while at Baylor, I'm guessing you've had some off days, what with all the changes going on. I'm sure graduating is scary and sad, but hopefully it's terribly exciting as well. That's one major life change, and I know you're dealing with several more. The rest of the fam's peacing out to California, oh- and you're getting married. Basically all this stuffs happening in one swift motion, and I admire how you're handling it- much better than I ever could! You have always been a good example to me and this situation is no different; your strength amazes me.

I'm so sorry that all the moving craziness can occasionally make wedding planning more difficult. I just want you to know it's one of the only things we talk (and pray) about. I'm so excited to be in your wedding- words can't even describe. If there's ever any wedding-related stuff I can do for you, please ask me- I'd love to help out more. So far I've only had one maid-of-honor task, but I'm looking forward to many more!

Just know that I can partially understand the stress you're going through- at least the moving part- and I'm always here for you.

Hope you had an awesome day,

Emil

There Are Cool Things About Moving, Part 1

1) Looking at cute houses, even if they're slightly over budget...

2) Getting inspired for how I would decorate my new (and most likley tiny) bedroom

from here

hopefully there'll be other upsides!

I'm Having The Most Unproductive Day Ever

http://www.polodroid.net/

But I had fun with the most fantastic website known to mankind!

I have no idea how to move and meet new people. I know there's no way they can be as cool as the ones I already know. Sure, there are upsides. San Jose is very close to San Francisco, one of my favorite cities. Plus I'd finally get to paint and decorate my room the way I want it! Then there's the fact that most California schools have open campuses, with all the classrooms opening up to the beautiful, humid-less weather! However, these thoughts always fade and are replaced with worry and sadness. I just don't know how to stay excited.